The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of destination, excitement, well-being, love, and nearness .

However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is browse around this web-site crucial for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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